For a glimpse of my life,click on lyrics above that says
Nobody
Need
Me

I seldom log on messager nowadays. I no longer contact anyone anymore. I come to realize the sad truth I do not wish to admit. No one bothers about me.

At least I will not hope.
So I shall not hope.
I do not want hope.

I listen to the depressing tune dancing out of the player. I loop it over and over. It makes me sadder with each passing second. But I appreciate that. I will keep running on the (sound)track, though i got no intention of breaking any (sound)record. I feel so tired, but i will not stop till the gentle sad melody run my tears dry.

The decision to choose between good and evil maybe easy to differentiate but is irrationally hard to make. It is easy to know black and white is different, but sometimes to choose between them, it takes a great deal of discipline. Now imagine you are thrown into a situation whereby one needs to choose between two evil decisions? How do one justify which is the lesser of the evil? The irony of life is that sometimes trying to be fair, we please no one. As compare to if we try to satisfy someone, at least we please a person. If there is a chair available and two people are standing? Who will you give the chair to? This is still relatively easy to handle. Now imagine you are thrown the classic bomb question, if I and xxxx fell into the sea, who do you save?

Don't you wish you can't swim at such moments? No one actually asks me such questions, but I think it is ridiculous to ask such hypothetical questions. Maybe the next time someone asks you such a question, tell them 'If' questions are hypothetical in nature, they do not have an answer so I will not entertain them. But if you are feeling like an angel, tell them I will save you. People who ask you such questions are insecure, and wish you can spare them some of your confidence. Make them feel better, lie if you must. Some circumstances, one has to embrace the dark side before we can be nice. If you happen to be the receiving end of the lie, please do not be angry (if it is not too major). He or she lie because they care about how you feel. Start lying if you must, you bastards and biatches.

I draw my curtains and I see many homes with their lights on. I wonder if the house can talk what kind of story will it tells? Will it be a fairy tale, a comedy, a soap opera or a heart-breaking story? If my house could speak, I wonder what it will say.

I suddenly thought of the elderly living alone in a small flat. I can understand why they think that if someday something unfortunate happened to them, nobody will find out till they start to rot and stink. Somehow I see myself in a similar way. Worst, I doubt anyone will discover me. The deafening silence is painful to bear, maybe death is indeed an act of grace by god.


Hush hush in the city of solitude,
Break not the glass fortitude.
I am humbled by the piercing pain,
Take me away you unforgiving bane.

I just checked my results. I should have seen it coming so I shall not grumble, and I deserve to pay the price, but I am still a little saddened by it. Preparing oneself for the worst helps to take some of the pain away, but what little hopes left praying for a miracle always turn around and bites. How I wish someone can be around to tell me it is alright, and try to make me smile. I think I will most probably be smiling because it is nice to know you are cared for. But such a person does not exist. I am sad of my poor results but I seem sadder that no one care that I feel sad.

I am glad it is already seven, I am finally tired enough to get to bed. Goodnight lovely sorrow. Thanks for showing that you care and keep me company. I love you. Can you stay?

Just came back from a 3 day 2 night trip in Malaysia, went to a resort called Sebana cove. I was helping out in a primary school camp as a facilitator cum instructor. There is something to do every moment. For the three days, time passes by with the batting of the eye. Every morning I will wake up at six thirty and be buzzing around till after eleven at night, with only lapses of rest during meal time. Maybe because I was so busy during the day, the tiredness always kicks in after my bath at night. Over the three days camp, we did trekking, played games, and went through some basic survival skills as well as a camp fire. Every meal was a buffet, everyone had fun and was very well fed.

It is ages ago that I was running around like the kids, leading a care free life without worries. How I wish I can be like peter pan. I remembered that I always find Peter pan dumb when I was a kid, rubbish the story as dumb and wonder what is so bad about growing up? It isn't bad to grow up, but it is better to be young. At adolescent we seems to be given more opportunities to behave irresponsibly, and mistakes were forgiven easily. Why do we have to lose such privilege when we grow old? Why do we grow old with worries and sadness but not happiness? Why some people allow their child like innocence to be replaced by adult cynicism?

Name: Brandon

A broken bottle of liqueur,
Empty and stale without a single ripple.
Brewed in the forgotten year of 1984,
A spirit that none will tip to pour.
Lock up in a cold cellar of no summer or fall,
Maybe it has no right to ask for any more.
Will you buy it and bring it out to thaw,
Give it some warm or amore

/S boy
Weiling


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