For a glimpse of my life,click on lyrics above that says
Nobody
Need
Me
Nobody
Need
Me
Tuesday, February 28, 2006
ticking clocks @ 1:49 AM
I always thought the clock's hands is comparable to cancer, similarly it slowly drain your life away. The weird thing is it leaks away fastest when you don't realize it. When you do realize it, time will then move too slowly, and every second is pure agony.
With a batting of an eyelid, the term break is behind me.
What have I done? Nothing! I did not manage to catch up with my studies, and spent most of my time in my room and break away from the cold harsh world.
Suddenly I feel like I need some alcohol to get intoxicated. To burn my throat as well as my frozen heart, to kill the chill tingling on my skin and numb the recurring pain that visits me every now and then. Too bad I am in hostel now. Too bad I always do not get what I wanted. Just toooooo bad I am like a slut to 'life', and get f**k around by it....
I will just have to make do with the sad songs that play out of my laptop and play right into my soul. Hopefully I will get tired enough to sleep soon...
With a batting of an eyelid, the term break is behind me.
What have I done? Nothing! I did not manage to catch up with my studies, and spent most of my time in my room and break away from the cold harsh world.
Suddenly I feel like I need some alcohol to get intoxicated. To burn my throat as well as my frozen heart, to kill the chill tingling on my skin and numb the recurring pain that visits me every now and then. Too bad I am in hostel now. Too bad I always do not get what I wanted. Just toooooo bad I am like a slut to 'life', and get f**k around by it....
I will just have to make do with the sad songs that play out of my laptop and play right into my soul. Hopefully I will get tired enough to sleep soon...
Wednesday, February 22, 2006
Rest in peace...... @ 4:57 AM
This Monday marks the end of my grandpa funeral. Looking at my grandpa lying there motionless is a weird feeling. It seems that he has shrunk, he looks so much smaller than what I perceived. The yellowed white shirt that hangs on the chair was frequently seen on him before the accident that paralyze him waist down. The accident not only took away his ability to walk, it seems that it has absorbed his happiness as well. The same yellow shirt is now moving with the gentle wind before my very eyes. But I will never see the owner move before me again. When the coffin was transported down the alley to be cremated, the family broke down to tears. It was unthinkable that some of my uncles and aunties cry before me, but it is more unthinkable my grandpa was gone forever. I can't imagine that the last time I hear him will be during Chinese New Year, I seems to take him for granted, thinking that I will see him the next New Year. But I am so wrong. He will not be able to hear even my goodbye and blessings.
Throughout the period of funeral, I kept thinking about life & death. What it feels like to be in the coffin, what it will feel like to see the loved ones being grief stricken but you are unable to even bring a tissue to them. Then I realize to see the sun the following day is a blessing. To tell someone you love her/him is a blessing. To bring a smile to someone is a blessing. To breathe is a blessing. I have no idea how many people read my blog(I reckon there will not be a lot of people), but maybe you will like to take 30sec off your time to marvel at the simplest things in life that you should be grateful of. The very same things that you have taken for granted.
Death is not painful to the deceased; the pain is borne by people alive.
Why must people die? Perhaps only through death, meaning can be brought to life.
Ah gong, I will miss you. Rest in peace..
Throughout the period of funeral, I kept thinking about life & death. What it feels like to be in the coffin, what it will feel like to see the loved ones being grief stricken but you are unable to even bring a tissue to them. Then I realize to see the sun the following day is a blessing. To tell someone you love her/him is a blessing. To bring a smile to someone is a blessing. To breathe is a blessing. I have no idea how many people read my blog(I reckon there will not be a lot of people), but maybe you will like to take 30sec off your time to marvel at the simplest things in life that you should be grateful of. The very same things that you have taken for granted.
Death is not painful to the deceased; the pain is borne by people alive.
Why must people die? Perhaps only through death, meaning can be brought to life.
Ah gong, I will miss you. Rest in peace..
Tuesday, February 14, 2006
Movie @ 4:42 AM
I always fancy meaningful or inspiring movies. I was never a big fan of the special effects or mega action. I prefer movies with substance. Only Matrix is a unique exception to my non-fancy of special effects movie. But the reason I adore Matrix is because the embedded meaning of the movie. You and I are never alive and awake. Our world is just a combination of interlinked dreams and imaginary existence. One can't even trust what one eyes see. Are you sure there is really a computer screen before u now? Your eyes see it, your hand feels it, but that is just what your brain tells you. How sure are you??
Back to the reason that inspires this post. I went to watch 'I not stupid too', though this time I wasn't alone. Haha.. Maybe it is better if I watch it alone, as predicted I end up weeping. (geesh) It is a moving story. Reminds me about my family in a few ways, and I share the same view as one of the kids from the movie. I was never a fan of local production but this show is superb. Maybe it is due to the movie drawing comparisons between itself and my life. Will I ever be able to call the house I return to my home? When do I have sounds in my house that is louder than the deafening silence?
Anyway, when has I turn into a cry baby? Sometimes, on my bed, or when I am alone, tears will water my eyes. Gently, my hands will take the tears away, but the pain will never go away with it. I will stop here. Till next time, when the blur in my eyes go away...
Back to the reason that inspires this post. I went to watch 'I not stupid too', though this time I wasn't alone. Haha.. Maybe it is better if I watch it alone, as predicted I end up weeping. (geesh) It is a moving story. Reminds me about my family in a few ways, and I share the same view as one of the kids from the movie. I was never a fan of local production but this show is superb. Maybe it is due to the movie drawing comparisons between itself and my life. Will I ever be able to call the house I return to my home? When do I have sounds in my house that is louder than the deafening silence?
Anyway, when has I turn into a cry baby? Sometimes, on my bed, or when I am alone, tears will water my eyes. Gently, my hands will take the tears away, but the pain will never go away with it. I will stop here. Till next time, when the blur in my eyes go away...
Saturday, February 11, 2006
Masquerade @ 12:36 AM
Life is an ever going masquerade, one where lights will never go low, curtains that will never be down. We assume roles we are assigned. We are someone else's son or daughter, a friend and confidant, a lover and many more. Some are the perfect actor/actress, deserving of Oscars or golden globe with all the roles they portray. These people are careful to play by the script, directed by the most experienced director called destiny.
As time goes by, everyone becomes better actor or actress. Increasingly, everyone hide their feelings and expressions behind a carefully chosen mask. We become what others want us to be, say what others want to listen, do what others like to see. Maybe one day everyone should remove their mask, and show the world how ugly everybody is. When that day comes, we should be happy that we can be who we truly want to be. However, we ought to be sad that the very same liberation marks the start of brutal truth and hurtful acts.
So perhaps, we should keep our mask on, and carry on pretending. Pretend that I was never sad. Pretend that you are always happy. And pretend that everything is okay. SHHHHH...... Don't speak, you are suppose to pretend that you like my post, and keep your comments till the end. Ohhh...... This is my end...But don't tell me anything that will hurt me. You are supposed to pretend...... Remember?
As time goes by, everyone becomes better actor or actress. Increasingly, everyone hide their feelings and expressions behind a carefully chosen mask. We become what others want us to be, say what others want to listen, do what others like to see. Maybe one day everyone should remove their mask, and show the world how ugly everybody is. When that day comes, we should be happy that we can be who we truly want to be. However, we ought to be sad that the very same liberation marks the start of brutal truth and hurtful acts.
So perhaps, we should keep our mask on, and carry on pretending. Pretend that I was never sad. Pretend that you are always happy. And pretend that everything is okay. SHHHHH...... Don't speak, you are suppose to pretend that you like my post, and keep your comments till the end. Ohhh...... This is my end...But don't tell me anything that will hurt me. You are supposed to pretend...... Remember?
Monday, February 06, 2006
Alone again @ 2:24 AM
Watch movie alone again. Haha... Think I am becoming more lifeless and eccentric. T_T
It is a nice movie, though I think the English name was not appropriate. I think using the translated Chinese name 'huo yuan jia' maybe better. Anyway, it was a movie worth a Saturday movie price. I did not regret catching it, the ending is beautifully sad. Perhaps the first time I realize martial arts to be so beautiful. Beyond the exciting fights scene, I think the movie has lots of meaningful life lessons to convey.
------------------
One cannot choose when one is born, but we have that choice to choose our end and must have the courage to walk to that end.
It is okay to cry. But after that, one must move on.
Like your hair, sometimes things get a little messy and entangled. But there is no 'knots' that can not be disentangled.
Everything, including the paddy will need its own space to grow.
------------------
Sometimes, a stranger has such a great impact in your life. And sometimes words from a person that seemingly have nothing to do in your life alter your life drastically.
Have I ever been that stranger to anyone?
Were you that stranger to someone else?
It is a nice movie, though I think the English name was not appropriate. I think using the translated Chinese name 'huo yuan jia' maybe better. Anyway, it was a movie worth a Saturday movie price. I did not regret catching it, the ending is beautifully sad. Perhaps the first time I realize martial arts to be so beautiful. Beyond the exciting fights scene, I think the movie has lots of meaningful life lessons to convey.
------------------
One cannot choose when one is born, but we have that choice to choose our end and must have the courage to walk to that end.
It is okay to cry. But after that, one must move on.
Like your hair, sometimes things get a little messy and entangled. But there is no 'knots' that can not be disentangled.
Everything, including the paddy will need its own space to grow.
------------------
Sometimes, a stranger has such a great impact in your life. And sometimes words from a person that seemingly have nothing to do in your life alter your life drastically.
Have I ever been that stranger to anyone?
Were you that stranger to someone else?
Alone @ 2:21 AM
